“Behold, I am making all things new. Write this down, for the words are trustworthy and true.”

Revelation 21:5

 

Every day, I wake up and have the choice: ego or soul, trust or self-reliance? I know the way I would like to see, to live, to experience this human spiritual journey. And yet, for whatever reason I still struggle to fully trust my soul and God with the import and direction of my life. Prayer manifests in so many different ways in my life. Some conversations with God are genuine petitions for healing of people, relationships, and situations. Other times, my prayers resemble a laundry list of my flaws in need of absolution. There are expressions of gratitude. But the “sweet spot” of prayer for me is a simple heart-to-heart conversation. It’s where I speak my truths and work things out. I speak to God as one would to a most loyal and trusted friend who not only loves me ridiculous and regardless, but is genuinely invested in my becoming. It’s a relief really that I have God’s ear. Sadly, I don’t avail it enough. The reward when I include God in the conversation of my life is peace. A peace and clarity I will never be able to manifest on my own.

Holy and Loving God,

Always there is this invisible line.

I can cross back and forth in a breath.

Mostly I straddle it,

hedge my bets,

One foot in the world, the other, in the spiritual realm.

Daily it is a litmus test of my faith.

Do I live fear to fear, or hope to hope.

The unknown and the tragic weaken my resolve.

I try to will outcomes, only to be disappointed.

But then I cross the line into Your force field.

All is suddenly possible.

You make all things new,

Transforming situations and souls.

Hope, my reality.

Why don’t I just stay?

Trust—

Every cell wants me too.

It’s exhausting relying on my own capacity.

I want to live, not clenched fists, frazzled and fragile.

Instead,

Live in anticipation of what You will do next in my life.

Radical, it would be to follow my soul.

Watch it hop across the line and never look back.

But then I don’t always listen to my soul.

The great tragedy.

I think myself clever, clairvoyant, superhuman.

And I waste precious time dueling with my human limitations.

I hear You when You whisper,

“Your only real choice is to trust Me.”

“Trust me with your life and all that you love. Trust me with the unknown, the requisite suffering, even Death.”

This is the heart work.

One day I’ll grow weary of straddling the line, and

Make the Leap.

Until then, God keep whispering to me.

Amen.