I’m a riser

I’m a get off of the ground, don’t run and hider

Pushin’ comes to shove

Hey I’m a fighter

When darkness comes to town, I’m a lighter

A get out aliver, of the fire

A Survivor.

—Dierks Bentley

 

At the gym, an epiphany came to me as I was doing strengthening exercises for my broken shoulder. Not that long ago I could barely lift that arm by myself. Today, I amazingly can do arm lifts with a five pound weight. (I used to be able to lift 35 pounds). I joked with Adam, my trainer, that he was part of my comeback story! 

 

The truth is I have participated in a surprising number of comebacks from setbacks during my tenure here on earth. And I imagine you have to. Live long enough and we will all have a catalog of heartbreaks. There certainly appears to be a pattern of one being knocked down in body and/or spirit, and then one chooses against all odds to mightily rise again. 

 

Every setback surprises me. Then comes the denial, the disappointment, the anger, and fear (will I bounce back this time?) Hope is essential. At some point we raise our hands and vow, “I commit to a comeback.” Mostly, that is putting one foot in front of the other, slowly, patiently gaining strength and then marching forward climbing the mountain. Comebacks always take longer than expected. 

 

The other option is to be soul stuck. The taste of despair scares me. I have this inkling that if I try, God will meet me on the path and lead me over the hump. It won’t be pretty, or easy, or jolly. And yet, I am curious for what good could be ahead, even miraculous, if I just commit to rising up. 

 

In the 10th grade, I received a D in Chemistry on my first semester report card. My father marched me into Mr. Jefford’s office and declared that I would arrive at school at 7 am every morning until I got the grade up. Grueling were the five months of early mornings with a one-legged Vietnam vet (kind of scary) teacher Mr. Jeffords. Looking back, I see now that both my father and eventually Mr. Jeffords believed in my comeback. Alert! We don’t do comebacks alone. We need help rising from our griefs and reaching new shores. 

 

As I got older, the setbacks were more significant like surviving the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attack in my neighborhood in New York City. The diagnosis and treatment of my firstborn with stage 4 cancer. The suicide of my friend Wade. A sad miscarriage. The nine and eleven weeks of bedrest in fear for my last two children. The loss of my dear friend Tallu to glioblastoma. Disappointments for my children and my husband’s setbacks which are setbacks for me. The Covenant School shooting. 

 

Each was a jolt to my foundation and tested my hope. 

 

Will there ever be a time when we or those we love are not knocked about? The answer is “NO.” To love makes you susceptible to bruising. Embraced life comes with a multitude of griefs.  Comebacks do not erase the pain of losses. A true comeback is doing the work to open arms and hearts to more life. 

 

I am a fan of the TV show, Shrinking, starring the brilliant Harrison Ford and Jason Segel. There is a poignant exchange between the two characters Paul (Harrison Ford) and Jimmy ( Jason Segel) in the final episode. Jimmy lost his wife in a terrible car accident caused by a drunk driver. He spirals and for most of the three seasons he is baby-stepping his comeback to embrace life again. Paul is Jimmy’s boss, mentor, and father figure trying to support him. He acknowledges that Jimmy was thrown a huge curve ball that significantly wounded him. But what next?

 

Paul says to Jimmy, “Don’t allow your scars to hold you back anymore.”

 

Jimmy responds, “I am covered in them, Paul.”

 

“Good,” says Paul. “What a shame to be 42 years of age and not completely covered in scars.”

 

“They’re evidence of a life fully lived.”

 

“Go make some new scars.”

 

 

Will there ever be a time when I am not afraid of setbacks in life? Probably not. What I do know from experience is that God always places “helpers” in our lives to see us to a new, promising shore. 

 

My trainer Adam has been such a blessed surprise. He is wholly invested in getting me back in the game, stronger in body and spirit. He too is not a foreigner to the setback-comeback pattern in human life. He has the tattoo affirmations to prove it. Inked on his left bicep in a swirling script reads, “Welcome Adversity.” But my favorite is, “Rise to the Occasion” in large, commanding lettering across his right bicep. 

 

Scars are proof that we are not sitting on our hands afraid, but courageously embracing the life before us. Nelson Mandela’s words serve as inspiration: “Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” 

 

Like in the movie, I am having my own “Rocky Balboa/Micky Goldmill” experience with trainer Adam. It is incredibly invigorating and hopeful to declare I am working on a comeback! 

 

Adam has one more spectacular tattoo, etched over his heart. It is the most important one. 

 

Trust steadily in God

Lean not on your own understanding.

In all ways submit to him,

And he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:4-5

 

No one is rooting for a comeback more than God. There is always more life to be lived.