Sometimes “Life” (the Ukraine Russian war, the economic downturn, the Afghan Refugee crisis in Nashville, teenage shenanigans, family health issues, a child off at college, friends battling cancer, addiction, betrayal in their marriages, aging parents, a future unpredictable and unknown —the list is endless) leaves me feeling anxious and insecure in my spiritual footing. On a recent jog at Percy Warner Park in Nashville, I named the feeling “the invisible Tremble.” We all suffer from it! The art is not allowing it to overtake you! The prayer below is my wrestling for a way to temper the fear so faith and peace can occupy the lion share of my heart.
Creator of Heaven and Earth,
So many paradoxes my heart must contend
Will Joy ever finally shake Suffering off her trail?
I suffer from an invisible Tremble—
No one can see it, but You.
Fear brings it on—
How its tentacles cover the north, south, east and west of me.
Fear of pain, loss and
all the future unknowns that could break my heart.
I shudder beneath my skin, my heart clutches.
So much to gain
and to lose,
when you love.
Will it ever make sense, this story of Yours?
It was You who planted the idea of Heaven in my heart first.
Yet, evil persists.
I weary from gripping the thread of hope so tight in my hands
Help me stay on the path.
Yesterday, I watched a cardinal dressed in taupe plumes
working on her nest, one twig at a time.
Could this be the cure for my tremble?
Keep building my nest—
connecting the dots for goodness
mining the darkness for light
daring to love
I will avow:
“God was surely in this place.”
A Grateful Amen.